Naruto: An Alternative Canon
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: Snippets for an alternate take on the Naruto-verse.
1. Grassy Knoll

_Naruto: An Alternative Canon_

_A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer:__ Naruto is the property of Shonen Jump. I am not writing this for profit._

_Author's Note:_ _This is a little bit from an alternate universe version of Naruto I've been toying with. Given all the other stories and writing projects I have, I'm merely submitting this as a sample of the concept. A much deeper, more complex Naruto universe with political intrigue, ninjas being ninjas, samurai, and chakra-based technologies. If you want more, I need to have a really big response given that I have so many other things to write. _

_On the other hand, if anyone would like to write for the Alt-Canon Naruto universe, feel free to PM or email me for details about how the characters, countries and other aspects are different. I consider it an open source universe._

_With all that in mind, please enjoy._

* * *

_BOOM!_

"Headshot."

_Ker-chak!_

_BOOM!_

"Headshot."

_Ker-chak!_

_BOOM!_

"Headshot."

Tenten lowered her rifle, keen eyes looking out over the training field. Each and every target's "head" was gone, reduced to cloth and sawdust. She stared a while longer at the targets, but her mind?

It was concerned with targets of another kind...

* * *

_"Our first C-Rank mission?" Tenten asked. Gai nodded, looking solemn and serious. Despite his silly antics Tenten did take the man seriously-He was powerful, smart, and a good teacher. She'd learned more about taijutsu and explosives than she'd ever thought possible._

_"Yes, my students! It is actually a high C-Rank mission, ruled out as a B-Mission for the lack of signficant threats." Gai nodded and looked at his students. Neji smirked confidently, Lee grinned, and Tenten felt excited, evident by her own broad smile._

_"So, what is it?"_

_Gai paused, still serious, but continued._

_"An assasination mission."_

_It was then that Tenten began to feel as though she'd swallowed a block of ice and her body temperate dropped below zero._

* * *

Tenten walked out to the targets again, setting up new ones. This done, she walked back to the shooting line. She slid eight more shiny, brass bullets into her wrist holster, expertly slipping one out into her hand with practiced ease and loading it into her rifle's breach.

Firearms were becoming more common throughout the Elemental Countries, for hunting or sport. The militaries had, at first, leaped onto guns as the next Big Thing, the Thing that might render ninjas, or swords, or even war entirely obsolete.

Obviously, it hadn't worked out once it was discovered that ninja could dodge bullets, and upper-class samurai could close in on a gunner and slice him in half well before he could reload if he missed. Which, given the majority of firearms, was almost guaranteed. War was thus not something that would be obsolete for a long time.

Still, as with all technology, firearms grew through experience and experimentation. The model she carried was a special, seal-covered weapon created by her father's shop for her, as a graduation present.

The bullet loaded, Tenten lifted the gun up, instinctively pouring chakra into the weapon. The sealwork within it bound itself to her chakra system, making the gun part of her body in a spiritual sense if nothing else. But that was enough to make it as accurate, if not more, as one of her thrown kunai.

* * *

_The train ride was bumpy, especially while hiding out in one of the storage cars. But it was also the easiest way to get to the target without being noticed._

_Tenten sat in a corner of the car, on watch while Lee and Neji slept on pallets nearby. She had tucked her rifle into a sealed scroll on her back, only the small revolver, explosive notes, numerous kunai and other unpleasant pointy things hidden on her person for protection._

_It was odd how that made her feel vulnerable._

_"Tenten-san?"_

_Tenten turned and smiled at her sensei, also keeping watch. His large frame was easily visible in the dim light of the rail car, sitting above her on a crate._

_"Yes, sensei?"_

_The jounin stepped down and sat next to Tenten, eyes intently on her. Tenten coughed, feeling awkward._

_"You have been very quiet this entire trip. Yes, far more quiet than Neji! Which I thought an impossibility," Gai said, giving her a grin. A little of the tension relieved, Tenten smiled back and shrugged._

_"Just... Thinking."_

_Gai nodded, humming thoughtfully. He raised his eyebrows in a way that told her she was holding something back. For a moment, Tenten imagined what it would be like if the eyebrows could talk._

_With practiced ease that came from resisting the urge to roll her eyes at Neji's "Main House" rants and Lee's "youth!" speeches, she kept her features controlled._

_"... About our mission," she admitted. Gai nodded, solemn again._

_"What about it?"_

_Tenten cleared her throat and recited the information by heart._

_"C-Rank mission-Assasinate Tetsukabuto Hiro, owner of Tetsukabuto Enterprises, for encroaching on the city of Masatune's commercial district. Ordered by the people and independent guild of Masatune, with bonus thrown in."_

_Gai was silent. Tenten looked at him and continued the briefing._

_"Tetsukabuto Hiro. Served in the Fire Country Navy in the Shell Country War, was highly decorated for his actions. After being honorably discharged he built Tetsukabuto Enterprises from the ground up, first through his invention of what he termed the "cotton strainer" to make usuable clothing out of all kinds of cotton, then he diversified when the market bottomed out. Age 43, married, father of three children. Generous philantropist. Citizen of Bird Country after giving up citizenship in Fire Country to live at his corporate headquarters."_

_"You want to know why we are killing this man," Gai stated. Tenten nodded._

_"I... I knew I'd kill, someday," Tenten began. "But... In war. Or killing bandits. If it was war it'd make it... Easier, somehow? But this...?"_

_Gai was silent as Tenten continued._

_"He's a family man, he runs a good business, and... And we're killing him because some people didn't like him and...? And put together enough money for it?" Tenten demanded. Gai sighed solemnly, and suddenly, as he sagged ever so slightly, it was the first time Tenten had seen her sensei as, well... Old._

_No old as in decrepit but... _Old_. Aged. He normally seemed as though he had been untouched by life's woes, happy, cheerful and optimistic._

_As through sensing her thoughts, he smiled at her comfortingly._

_"It's not an easy thing to do... It's not something to be enjoyed... But that doesn't make it any less vital."_

_"Vital?" Tenten asked._

_Gai shrugged. "We do not receive the support of Fire Country. Therefore, we need to make our own money, generate our own revenue. During war that would not be a problem, but during peace... Well..." Gai shook his head. "We must support our village. If we cannot do the missions asked of us, we will receive fewer missions."_

_"And we can't just... Just filter them?" Tenten spat angrily. "Refuse them?"_

_"If we did, we would not enjoy our current lifestyle," Gai said quietly. Tenten huffed._

_"Yeah... Rich off of _murder_."_

_"Tenten," Gai said in a firm voice. She looked up at him, almost defiantly. He sighed and shook his head._

_"... If you cannot do this, then I will take the shot." He said. Tenten frowned, and looked at her knees._

_"But..."_

_"But," Tenten said, "it would just be delaying the inevitable... Wouldn't it?"_

_Gai nodded. Tenten sighed, closing her eyes and leaning back against the wall of the railcar._

_"Sometimes you must do evil to do good," Gai said quietly. "That is our job as ninja."_

_Tenten nodded. She could hear the brakes beginning to come on, and felt the train begin to slow. Gai was silent for a bit longer, before quietly he spoke one last time:_

_"But... It may not always be this way," the jounin spoke seriously. Tenten looked at Gai in curiosity, at the unusually grim expression he wore... And just as soon as it had appeared, it was gone, replaced with Gai's "mission face" which seemed both inspiring and yet somewhat comical._

_"Up my students! Our mission awaits!" He ordered. _

* * *

Breech-loading guns were far easier to load, and far more accurate than the older muzzle-loading weapons only recently making it into the civilian markets, but even these weapons were somewhat limited in their usage among the militaries of the continent. The Hi no Kyouwakoku no Rikugun ("The Republic of Fire's Army"), or HKR, had a growing number of sharpshooter units who provided support to the infantry in combat, taking down enemies their chakra-enhanced blades or spears missed. The HKR artillery was easily infamous for it's chakra-enhanced accuracy and shell firepower. But guns would not become the dominant weapon for a _long_ time, if ever.

Tenten had taken to them immediately, however. They were loud and noisy and reminded her of explosions, of fireworks in particular. For some reason, the sound, the sight, the scent of combustion set her senses on fire in a way that was difficult to explain.

Weapon loaded, she took aim. She fired.

_BOOM!_

* * *

_The nest was an archive for the local university's books. Yuugo was expected to be driving by in his carriage in less then thirty minutes. Lee and Gai were to act as interference below, posing as construction workers in front of the build entrance. It would slow down any response and allow the ninja to escape._

_Sitting in the upper room of the building on the sixth floor, Tenten sat in the Lotus position, her gun in her lap, trying to clear her mind of anything but her mission._

My rifle is not my weapon. My gun is not my weapon. My kunai, my shuriken, my senbon... None of these are weapons. I am the weapon. I AM the weapon.

_She opened her eyes, looking at Neji. His bloodline was activated, scanning the area below for their target. He probably saw her look, his vision _was_ 306 degrees... Almost._

_"Neji..."_

_The Hyuuga boy made no overt movement to acknowledge her, but she could tell he was listening._

_"Neji... What do you think about this mission?"_

_The Hyuuga snorted._

_"Did you not talk about this with Lee?"_

_Tenten flushed, and nodded._

_"Yeah... I did... He said he knew he might have to do terrible things as a ninja... That it would be his job..."_

_Neji nodded, only minutely._

_"Then you have your answer. This is our job. We must do it."_

_"Is that what you really think... Or is that just what you've been told?" Tenten asked flatly._

_At Neji's silence, she sighed._

_"I'm sorry, Neji..."_

_Neji merely gave a very small shrug._

_"We ninjas are tools, weapons. A tool does not question what it does. It is not ours to question, but to carry out."_

_"So what does that make me?" Tenten asks with a hint of bitterness._

_Neji turned, really turned, and looked right at her with that cold, emotionless mask of his. Tenten managed not to fidget, staring back in defiance._

_"He is approaching. Get to your position," Neji said in a dull tone. Tenten managed a nod, and crept with her usual stealth past the stacks of books to the window. It was a warm day out, so the windows of the building had all been left open._

_She eyed the area. She could already seen the carriage approaching, top also down in the summer heat. She easily spotted Tetsukabuto-High forehead, light hair, distinctive smile. He was aged but still seemed lively, happily chatting with his children and wife._

_Tenten gulped. She felt sick to her stomach._

_"Target will be in optimum range within two minutes," Neji told her flatly. Tenten nodded, and brought the rifle to her shoulder._

_Her keen eyes may not have been able to see all around her like Neji's, but Neji had no talent for guns. He would not use them, they were beneath him._

_Lee, well, he was a taijutsu specialist. He fought hand to hand, he pummeled enemies with his fists. Bullets had little effect on him, thanks to his Iron Skin Training Gai had put him through, hardening his skin with shock after shock and hit after hit until his chakra began to reinforce his body._

_Gai-sensei had offered to take the shot... But Tenten couldn't let him do that._

_No, she couldn't... It had to be her._

_This was what she wanted, wasn't it? To be a great kunoichi like her heroine, Tsunade. To become the best she could. To master all weapons. To be beautiful and deadly like the katanas her father made out of rough iron, fire and water._

_"One minute," Neji said quietly._

_This was what she wanted... Just like Naruto. Naruto wanted to become Hokage. He wanted to be the best he could be, prove that he wasn't just some no-name orphan without a family, a title..._

_Naruto hadn't killed yet..._

_Neither had she. Not yet._

_She linked her chakra to her weapon, feeling it become one with her. She pegged Tetsukabuto easily, her eye finding his head and lining it up with the site on the rifle. One shot. One kill._

_He would be dead before the sound of the shot even reached his ears._

_He was dead... He was already dead..._

_"Thirty seconds," Neji reminded her. Tenten gripped her rifle tightly._

_No... No, he wasn't dead. Not yet. He was still alive, alive for these last thirty seconds..._

_Last twenty..._

_Last ten... Nine... Eight... Seven..._

_Tenten slipped a bullet into the empty breech and closed it. The safety was off. Her target was in sight._

_Six... Five... Four..._

He doesn't have to die... You can miss... You can let him get away...

_She shoved that thought away, tried to focus on the job, focus on her duty..._

_Three... Two..._

You don't have to-!

_One._

BOOM!

_Tetsukabuto's head exploded into bloody fragments. His wife and children screamed, followed by the screaming of passerbyers, confusion..._

_"Let's go," Neji stated, getting up and heading out. Tenten rose to follow, eyes locked onto the carriage. The driver sped up, trying to get the survivors out of her field of fire. One of Tetsukabuto's sons looked up at her building, and she could swear he was looking her right in the eyes, his own wide in anguish and realization._

_She turned and ran, the internal clock inside her still running._

_Time plus eight seconds, plus nine, plus ten..._

_Time plus she became a murderer..._

* * *

She hadn't expended all of her ammunition yet. She kept reaching into her pocket for more, slinging the rounds into her wrist holster and just as smoothly slamming them into the chamber with every shot fired, every spent casing ejected.

She had trained herself into exhaustion before, all of her energy expended through the barrels of her guns. All of her tension, all of her anger, gone with every shot.

But here, every shot only reminded her of that moment. That shot.

It was T-plus forty-eight hours, nine minutes, fifteen seconds. Her internal clock would not stop running.

As though she would forget.

No matter how much she wanted to.

_"Tenten-san?"_

_She looked up from her rifle, the gentle rhythm of the train in no way a comfort._

_It was a distraction, nothing more. She'd withdrawn to the far side of the car, Gai and Neji apparently taking the hint to leave her alone._

_"Yes Lee?" She asked quietly. The bowl-haired boy looked at her intently, crouched withhis head tilted at an inquisitive angle._

"Nee-chan?" Asked Naruto, looking at her curiously. Tenten sighed and shook her head-He never did know when to quit.

"Naruto, I want to be alone..."

"If you did want to be alone, you wouldn't be out in the open, now would you?" Naruto asked with that damnable grin of his. Tenten rolled her eyes.

_Tenten shook the image out of her mind, returning to the present._

_"Are you all right?"_

_"I'm fine," she returned quietly, looking away. Lee frowned._

_"You are upset?"_

No shit,_ Tenten thought, but managed to keep it out of her response. She was patient with Lee when he was at his worst, she could deal with this._

_She could deal with this..._

_"I'm just... Decompressing... I'll be fine."_

_"You are sure?" Lee ashed._

_"I said... I'm _fine_," she stated flatly. Lee's frown deepened._

_"You are simply-"_

_"I SAID I'M FINE, LEE!" Tenten snarled. She had her revolver out and pointed at Lee's head before he could blink. He stared at the gun leveled at his forehead, wide eyes even wider. Tenten, trembling, yanked the weapon away and looked at the far wall of the car._

_"Just... Leave me alone," she whispered. Lee gulped, and nodded._

_"Y-Yes, Tenten-san..."_

The moment they returned to Konoha she walked away, back home. She didn't care about the pay, she didn't care about anything.

* * *

Tenten continued to fire breathing hard. She reached into her pouch, and found no more rifle ammunition available. She cast the weapon aside and pulled out her revolver, taking aim.

"Hey Tenten, what's-!"

She spun around at the sound. She saw a human, enemy, threat. She targeted the center of the person's chest and pulled the trigger.

_BOOM!_

She saw past the instinct to the wide blue eyes, blonde hair, whisker marks-!

"NARUTO!" She screamed, the blonde falling onto his back, eyes staring up at the sky. Tenten dove, clutching at Naruto, her arms wrapping around him.

"N-NARUTO! NARUTO!"

His eyes blinked. He coughed. He managed to look at her, wincing.

"... Ow..."

Tenten ran her hands over his chest, feeling the armor under the bright orange shirt, the hole where the bullet had gone through, been stopped...

Right over his heart.

Naruto gave her a pained smiled.

"S-See? Right here... My heart... Your aim's perfect and... Tenten?"

_IalmostkilledhimIalmostkilledhimIalmost-!_

"N-N-NARUTO!" She cried, hugging him tightly and sobbing into the side of his neck. "NARUTO!"

Naruto, somewhat bewildered, wrapped his arms around Tenten, holding her to his chest and rubbing her back.

"It's... It's okay, Tenten, it's okay..."

* * *

"So... I killed him. I killed him and... His son looked _right_ at me and..."

She bowed her head, looking at her feet. Naruto sat next to her, silent.

"Did you... What did you think you were getting into... When you became a ninja?" Tenten asked. Naruto shrugged.

"Well... First I thought, you know... It's just a cool job... You could become Hokage, get lots of respect..." Naruto smirked and shook his head.

"Iruka-sensei set me straight though... That being a ninja wasn't romantic, that it... Involved killing people, and being good at it."

"So... Why haven't you quit?" She asked. Naruto looked over at her, then turned to look at the Hokage wall in the distance.

"Every Hokage has had to kill... Had to die for Konoha... Probably be my fate too... But it doesn't mean I'm not still going to become Hokage."

"You... you idiot... Why?!" Tenten demanded. "Why do you want to die so much?! Die for people who just murder people who aren't even our enemies?!"

"Because I still want to do the right thing!" Naruto shouted, standing up. He pointed at the wall and looked right at her.

"I made a promise to become Hokage, so that no one would ever look down on me again!When I learned more about what a Hokage, what a Ninja has to do, I understood that it's not always a good thing! But that's not going to stop me from keeping that promise or making the right decision!"

Naruto sighed and shook his head.

"There are going to be times I'll have to do bad things... Even evil things, for the good of this village... But I am not going to go back on my word."

"... Goddamnit Naruto," Tenten sighed. Naruto shook his head.

"I made a promise... And I _never_ go back on my word," he stated. "Because that's my way."

Tenten closed her eyes.

"... I'm going to see that little boy for the rest of my life... Every time I close my eyes..."

Naruto sighed.

"Iruka-sensei once told me about a mission like the one you went on."

Tenten looked up at him.

"He didn't get too much into the details, but he had to kill someone important and make sure no one could take their place. He...didn't say much else after that, except that every once in a while he has nightmares."

"... How does he live with himself?" Tenten asked quietly.

Naruto shrugged his shoulders. "There's no secret technique that can make it all go away, he told me that when I asked him the same thing. You just have to push it all to the back of your mind and focus on the present, and remember what you're actually fighting for."

He smiled a bit at this. "It's why he chose to be an academy teacher. So he could always remind himself."

"My village..." Tenten sat down on the ground, cradling her rifle. She managed a small smile.

"... Thanks, Naruto... It's... Better."

"Aw, it's no problem Tenten! I'm glad I could help!" He grinned. "As the future Hokage, I gotta look out for Konoha and everybody in it!"

"Okay, enough already," Tenten stated with a smirk. "I like you better when you're being a smartass. All this inspirational stuff is kind of creepy."

Naruto sat down next to her and looked up at the sky, still smiling, but a hint of that rarely seen seriousness in his eyes.

"Just promise to remind me of all that when I make my first kill, okay Tenten?"

Tenten took a deep breath, and held his hand. She smiled back.

"I promise..."

T-plus fifty-one hours, twelve minutes and eighteen seconds... She finally stopped counting.

* * *

_Please review._


	2. History of Hi no Kuni and Konohagakure

Some additional background on the Alternative Canon Universe:

**-The History of Hi no Kuni (Fire Country) and Konohagakure (Village Hidden in the Leaves)**

The various elemental nations grew up and evolved as separate civilizations for hundreds of years, warring with each other, raiding each other, and occasionally making alliance. About five hundred years before the beginning of the Naruto story, a far more advanced and technologically sophisticated empire came from over the ocean and took Hi no Kuni for it's territory, and used it to establish dominance over the other nations on the continent. This empire was known as the Tengoku, "Heavenly Empire", and some of their leaders actually took on the persona of gods to instill fear and obedience into the local population with their technology, such as iron weapons and crossbows.

Eventually, three people allowed the natives to repel the invaders after two hundred years of dominance-Uzu, a scholar and wandering sage on the run from the Tengoku for his anti-imperialistic writings, Uzu's adopted daughter Ren who was his student, and a general known as Iroh the Steel Dragon.

Iroh was native to Hi no Kuni, and was orphaned when he was a baby. The wife of the local Tengoku overlord, Yulia, was barren, and allegedly found the infant Iroh on the side of the road as her carriage passed by. She took him in and raised him as her son, and he became an accomplished and respected warrior.

But he did not find it moral to oppress the people of the Elemental Countries. He was taught by his mother to be merciful to his enemies, sparing the innocent. He was taught to respect life but also to know when to end it. His adoptive father, the overlord Hiro, had embraced his son but was cruel towards the natives, demanding more and more resources. Eventually, Iroh was told to kill Uzu, who had been stirring up rebellion in the local provinces with talk of freedom and pride.

Iroh met Uzu and Ren, and the old scholar convinced Iroh that his empire was corrupt and oppressive to the natives. Through the course of events, Iroh would join Uzu and his daughter and lead the people of Hi no Kuni in rebellion against the Tengoku, using relatively primitive chakra techniques to match their superior technology.

The Tengoku decided to cut their losses and abandoned the Elemental Countries, leaving thousands of their citizens behind. Many of them fled to the distant parts of the continent, others were killed by vengeful mobs and natives, and still others went native themselves and joined the free nation of Hi no Kuni.

Iroh, Uzu and Ren worked together to create a fair form of government for Hi no Kuni, and it emerged as a democratic nation, swfitly growing into the superpower of the continent. Their capital city was named Irohko, after the hero who had led their people to freedom. While their conventional armies advanced and were virtually unbeatable by the other nations, the secrets of what would become modern ninjutsu had spread and specialized warriors called ninja were being trained by the nations around Hi no Kuni for covert warfare. The democratically-elected leader of Hi no Kuni, the Daiten, saw that this was an area that Hi no Kuni could not fall behind in. He thus began to invite exiled and runaway ninja to his nation, free from persecution.

Among these immigrants were the Senju and Hyuuga clans, both escaping bloodline purges instituted by neighboring nations. The practice was to annihilate the majority of bloodline holders created by experimentation or mutation via chakra use, and take the survivors as breeders for the nations' militaries.

Hi no Kuni struck a radical deal with the Senju and Hyuuga clans that was almost as revolutionary as their democracy-Allowing the village of their Special Forces, their ninja, to become a semi-independent city-state. It would come to be called Konohagakure, and was founded over a century before the Kyuubi attack.

To this day, however, strain exists between the government of Hi no Kuni and Konohagakure. Konoha is essentially an independent, military dictatorship right in Hi no Kuni's borders. Making a mockery, some say, of Hi no Kuni's democratic ways. At least one political party in particular has had a grudge against Konohagakure since it's creation-The Nanashi Party, literally the "No-Names". Where several political parties in Irohko's government were formed from guilds and older families, the No-Names were formed from the common people of Hi no Kuni-Ronins, orphans, and the like. The Nanashi party gave the common people a voice in government and helped lead most of the other parties in the government to becoming pluralized as well. But in regards to Konoha, the Nanashi party will not compromise-It must be integrated into the Hi no Kuni military, just like the Ninja forces of other nations are.

The last time the Nanashi party held the majority and the executive section of the government, over forty years before the Kyuubi attack, they laid siege to Konoha, demanding that they integrate with their military or face destruction. That same night, the Nidaime Hokage and his top ninja appeared in the bedchambers of the Daiten and calmly asked him to reconsider his position on Konoha.

Since then, the Nanashi party has lost power, but over the last three decades they have been building towards retaking it, trying to get the support they need to get Konoha under their control.

Not that Konoha has been utterly blameless through it's dealings with the Hi no Kuni government. Uchiha Madara's attempted coup of Konoha was hidden from the Hi no Kuni government for ten years, as Madara's plans had included taking over the country-Considering the incident with the Nanashi party had occured only years before at the time, it was understandable. In recent years, however, certain members of Konoha's ruling elite have been hiding more and more of their actions from the eyes of their "hosts"-The fate of the Kyuubi no Youko and the true reasons for the Uchiha massacre being only the most serious instances.

So while the majority of Konoha's ninja forces are just as loyal to Hi no Kuni as they are to Konoha, and the majority of Hi no Kuni's population is positive about Konoha's continued status, the strain between the two is ever-present, and ever watched by those hoping to take advantage of the situation.

**-Hi no Kyouwakoku no Rikugun** (_The Army of the Republic of Fire_)

The Army of Fire Country (Or, it's official name, the Republic of Fire) is not the largest army on the Elemental Continent in terms of manpower, but it is the most powerful, the best trained, the best equipped and the most mobile. Working in concert with the _Hi no__ Kyouwakoku __no Kaigun_, Navy of the Republic of Fire, it can deploy to any area of the Five Great Nations within a matter of days.

The Army is purely professional, maintained ever since it's inception more than three hundred years ago, with drafts instituted primarily to cover support roles. Chakra-using troops make up more than 50 percent of the army, all possessing at bare minimum enhanced speed, strength and agility. The officer corps, known as Samurai, have speed and strength approaching that of jounin ninja, though they lack the same versatility and ranged combat ability. The primary weapon of the officers is the sword, the enlisted using standardized spears, hammers, axes and other melee weapons.

Firearms have begun filtering into the Army, though these are generally restricted to sharpshooter companies and regiments-Modern firearms are still muzzle-loading, and while their accuracy has been greatly improved with chakra seal work, the long time between reloads is still a significant disadvantage. Added to the fact that a growing number of ninja are able to dodge bullets, and firearms are still restricted to specialized roles. The artillery of the Fire Army, for instance, is the best on the continent, chakra-enhanced accuracy and warheads allowing them to annihilate enemy fortifications with ease.

The critical weakness of the Army is, naturally, ninja. Ninja are far faster, stealthier, agile, versatile and adaptable than the regular Army troops, and are capable of annihilating a good sized regiment of Fire Army infantry without significant casualties. The Hi no Kuni attempted to remedy this with the _Shugotenshi_ (Guardian Angel) section-A special anti-shinobi section of the Army-and while this section has remained part of the Armed Forces, it was still not a true solution to enemy ninja forces. While the Shugotenshi could deal with missing ninja of any rank, and is still employed for certain high-importance covert missions, Hi no Kuni learned through bitter experience that the only true counter on a strategic level to ninjas is ninjas, which is where the Ninja Forces come in.

The Army siezes and holds territory, assaults enemy fortifications, patrols the borders of Hi no Kuni, and defeats the armies of the enemies of Hi no Kuni. The ninja forces infiltrate enemy territory, gathering intelligence and destroying key targets in support of the Army of Hi no Kuni and provides additional covert support where needed. The Army is the Sword, Gun and Body-The Ninja Forces the Kunai, Poison, and Eyes of the Hi no Kuni Armed Forces.

**-Ninja Abilities and Chakra**

There have been two primary schools of thought concerning the use of chakra-To enhance what you can already do, and to do things you can't do. The school of the samurai is the former, the school of the ninja the latter. The Sage of the Six Paths is credited with the invention of ninjutsu over seven hundred years ago, but the truth is that chakra has been in use for even longer in subtle ways. Much of the usage close to the samurai school, with usage of it we would recognize as ninjutsu appearing just prior to the Tengoku occupation. It was the mustering of large armies that were chakra-capable that allowed Iroh and Uzu to eventually overthrow the Empire.

Iroh and Uzu developed chakra training on a crash-course basis with the assistance of dozens of brave volunteers, many of whom lost their lives. And while the understanding of chakra coils and the application of the energy has improved considerably over the past few centuries, the fundamental application for chakra for the conventional military has been enhancement, and enhancement alone.

Over the course of the 18-week Basic Training program, the average recruit for the Rikugun no Kyouwakoku no Hi will become twice as strong, twice as fast, twice as agile, and have double the stamina he or she started with. Training continues over the course of a soldier's career, those entering the Samurai (Officers) Corps increasing their abilities exponentially, and some even picking up ninjutsu-style tricks. Members of the Sharpshooters are trained to enhance their eyesight and other senses. The elite swordsmen develop their own unique moves and attack styles.

However, at it's core the conventional military is only enhancing what they can do. Which is, essentially, all they can do.

All human chakra coils undergo stages of development as a human develops, and usually become less and less malleable as time goes by.

Ninjas take advantage of a child's malleable chakra coils to train them to shape their chakra in different ways, contrary to the natural flow of their spiritual energy. It is this that allows ninja to apply their chakra in so many different ways.

Manipulating nature to produce effects for offensive and defense jutsu required intensive study over the centuries, but the effort was well worth it. Now ninjas can do everything from shoot fireballs out of their mouths at enemies, to entrapping them in hellish illusions from which they cannot escape, to summoning monsters to do battle, to making wood as hard as steel to dodging bullets and even bringing back the dead. Ninjutsu, genjutsu, taijutsu and fuuin jutsu have made the ninja the most powerful single warriors on the Elemental Continents save for perhaps only the most elite samurai, and even they lack the same versatility that ninja wield.

For these reasons do ninja begin their training at age 7 or below, and regular Hi no Kuni soldiers at ages 15-20. Teenaged chakra coils are mostly set by this age, but through short, intense training can be made to produce and channel much more chakra along established paths. Children's chakra coils can be made to stay malleable for the rest of the child's life, allowing them access to incredible abilities that some say echo those of kami.

However, many question the ethics of turning children into weapons and essentially not giving them a choice in the matter. It is one thing for a person considered an adult by society to join the military and choose to put their life in danger-Quite another to put a child into it. Just one of many issues the people of Konoha and Hi no Kuni have difficulty with-Even the people who run said programs.

- - - -

_10-22-08: Edited and added some new information to reflect the continuing evolution of this idea. _


	3. There Are Reasons for Everything

Naruto: An Alternative Canon

_Author's Note: This next snippet serves to illustrate some of the changes in the main characters, and to introduce a new character who will become a major player down the road should I make this into an actual story.  
_

- - - - -

The last D-Rank mission had been irritating as hell. Once again, some bigshot's cat had gotten away and once again, Team 7 had gone after it.

"For crying out... Why are we doing this crap again?" Naruto asked, as two of his Shadow Clones held the ferocious feline between them. The trio was heading back to the mission office, after taking out a not-insignificant amount of a training field to capture the cat. Sasuke snorted, and Sakura looked especially morbid.

"Because our teacher is a lazy bum, and, oh yeah, God hates me," Sakura stated, irritably pushing her goggles up to rest on her head. She had tied her forehead protector to her bicep upon graduation, not really seeing the utility of the thing as anything other than a badge of her office. Her goggles were _much_ more useful-She made them herself, after all.

Naruto smirked.

"Can't be all bad, right? You're on a team with me," he grinned. Sakura scowled, her gloved hands clenching.

"Exactly. Hence why God hates me."

"Hey! If it was just you and emo duck, you'd _never_ get anything done!" Naruto stated flatly. Sasuke grunted.

"Would you two shut up?" He asked, annoyed. Sakura sighed.

"I'm sorry Sasuke-kun, but _he_ started it!" She said, pointing at Naruto. The blond snorted.

"Did not," Naruto maturely replied, as they entered the missions office.

"Did too," Sakura replied.

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not, did not, did not," Naruto grinned.

_WHAP!_

"OW! That's no way to win an argument!" Naruto whined, holding his head.

"Oh! My cat! Thank you for retrieving it for me," a low, smoky female voice called. Naruto turned around, irritated and about to give the owner of this cat a rundown of what they had gone through to get it...

And he stopped cold at the vision of beauty before him. He could sense Sakura tensing up next to him, and knew that even Uchiha was transfixed.

Tall and fair-skinned, with warm, dark green eyes filled with sensuality, full pouty lips, and long pink hair held up in an elegant bun. Her body was partially hidden by long, flowing robes but were thin enough to hint at the full, seductive curves below. The goddess smiled warmly and slid on a pair of glasses, which is what convinced Naruto that _he_ should be holding the cat, _not_ his clones.

He snatched the cat from them, both clones vanishing into disappointed puffs of smoke, and held the screeching feline out with a smile.

"Here you go, Miss...?" Naruto asked.

"Haruno. Sachiko Haruno," the woman said smoothly, taking the cat and lightly brushing her soft fingers over his. Naruto was fully aware of the stupid grin on his face and didn't really care.

Sachiko turned her gaze on the fuming Sakura and her smile brightened.

"Sakura-chan! I had no idea you were on Team 7!"

"Of course you didn't... I didn't want you to _know_," Sakura replied in a sickly-sweet voice. Sachiko looked hurt.

"Now really Sakura-chan, just because you're out on your own now doesn't mean you can't keep in touch with me," she gently admonished. Sakura huffed and crossed her arms over her (comparatively) flat chest.

"_You're_ the one always out campaigning," she accused. Sachiko sighed.

"We've gone over this, Sakura-chan..."

"Yeah, it just keeps coming up," Sakura growled. Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other. Naruto grinned, and Sasuke managed a... Well, a not-scowl, at least.

_Mother daughter catfight. So... Hot..._

"Why don't you introduce me to your teammates, then? It's the perfect time," Sachiko suggested with the practiced patience of a mother and politician. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Sure... Naruto, Sasuke-kun? This is Councilwoman Sachiko Haruno, my mother. Mother? This is Naruto Uzumaki, and Sasuke Uchiha, my teammates."

"A pleasure to meet you both," Sachiko said graciously. Naruto grinned and bowed, and Sasuke managed a polite bow as well.

"Pleasure's all mine!" Naruto grinned. "So uh, what brings you here today, you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh, I'm campaigning for election to the Niin this year," Sachiko explained, producing a set of flyers from seemingly nowhere. "I'm hoping to represent the Konoha district."

"I didn't know Konoha was a voting district," Sasuke said, and Naruto managed to spare a glare at him. He got a smirk in response.

"Technically, the area the village is in is a voting district-One of the largest with the civilian immigration into the area. And as many voters have family working as ninja, I thought I should make the rounds." Sachiko shrugged and smiled warmly at Sakura.

"Plus, I wanted to see my Sakura-chan."

"_Mother_," Sakura grumbled. A familiar silver-haired chuunin walked up behind Sachiko, smiling at all three genin.

"Hey Naruto! Sakura! Sasuke!"

"Oh, hey Mizuki-sensei! What are you doing here?" Naruto asked with a smile. Sachiko smiled proudly.

"Mizuki-kun has agreed to be my ninja liaison. If I win the election, we both go to the capital!"

"Yeah, sounds swell," Sakura mumbled. Sachiko shook her head and smiled one last time.

"Well, I must be going. It was good to meet all of you. I would really appreciate your votes," she said, handing them flyers. Naruto and Sasuke nodded as the councilwoman and Mizuki headed out of the mission office, both teenager's eyes on her shapely backside.

_WHAP! WHAP!_

"OW!" Naruto groaned.

"Sakura!" Sasuke protested, shocked. Sakura huffed.

"_Boys_," she stated in disgust, stomping over to the missions table to retrieve their pay. Naruto and Sasuke stared after her.

"You know," Naruto began, "when she grows up, Sakura-chan's going to look like her mom."

"Why do you think I took this team?" Kakashi stated, appearing behind both genin. Naruto jumped, and Sasuke turned and glared.

"Kakashi-sensei! You pervert!" Naruto accused. Kakashi shrugged.

"Nothing wrong with imagining, is there?" He asked. Sasuke huffed, and Kakashi eye-smiled.

"I know Sasuke agrees with me."

"Do not," Sasuke mumbled, turning away to hide a mild blush.

- - - - -

_For the purposes of the alt-canon, the story would have every move up in age by three years. I think 15-16 year old assassins is a bit less disturbing than 12-13 year olds. _

_There wouldn't be any definite pairings, but there would be romance, sexual tension, etc, but not always between who you might expect. I can at least guarantee no yaoi._

_I will be working on chapters to go more in-depth on the character changes, this is just to whet your appetites, so to speak. And hopefully get some laughs._


	4. It's Science!

_Naruto: An Alternative Canon_

_A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer:__ Naruto is the property of Shonen Jump. I am not writing this for profit._

_Author's Note: I am a big fan of the steampunk genre, as well as other alternate history genres of scifi, so when I began to give attention to the Alt-Canon Narutoverse I decided that one of the first things I'd fix would be the anachronistic tech level. Now, you can do a lot of things with chakra sealing (carry loads of weapons in a piece of paper, seal an all-powerful demon into a child, summon creatures or even yourself from long distances), and yet Kishimoto never expanded on this. There are a few examples of chakra being used with technology in the _Naruto _movies, but there are quite literally thousands of possible uses of chakra in the _Naruto_-verse._ _Ergo, the Alt-Canon Narutoverse is a kind of combination of steampunk and what you could call "chakrapunk" in terms of technology. Here's a brief snippet to illustrate how Haruno Sakura, whom I have modded into the resident mad scientist of the Rookie Nine, applies this technology for a whole new mode of transportation:_

_- - - - - -_

"So, you took two wheels off a wagon, made a fire extinguisher the boiler, and combined it with lots of gears and... Things, and now you've got a... What do you call this thing?" Kakashi asked his student, narrowing his visible eye at the latest contraption to come out of Sakura's garage. The pink-haired genius stood with the rest of her team, giddily bouncing up and down on her heels. Naruto was grinning, and Sasuke, well... He looked like he always did.

Annoyed.

"Well, I haven't come up with a name just yet... Since it's layout is that of a bicycle, and it's mode of operation is similar, I was thinking of calling it... The Saku-Steam-Cycle!" Sakura grinned. "Catchy, isn't it?"

"Probably the first thing of hers that does have a catchy name," Naruto mumbled to Sasuke. Sakura scowled at him. Naruto smiled innocently in return as Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, basically all you do is power up the sealing system on the dashboard, here," Sakura said, sitting on the seat of the vehicle and pointing out the intricate sealwork on a wooden panel between the handlebars. "Which jumpstarts the heating coils for the boiler..." She did just that, and the device began to make a low whistle.

"Engage the piston, release the brake," Sakura went on, turning the vehicle around to point out of the garage. A sound Kakashi likened to the pumping of a steam boat's engine emerged, only at a far higher pitch and greater speed.

"And here we goooooOOOOOOOOO!!!"

The "Saku-Steam-Cycle" sprang from the garage as Sakura screamed, zooming on it's wheels as though happy to finally be free. Gripping the handlebars Sakura circled the large field surrounding her workshop, her screams of fear and shock turning to delight as she made a lap back in front of the garage. The rest of Team 7 was now outside, watching Sakura's invention propel it's inventor at high speed.

"... Okay. Now _that_ is cool," Naruto grinned. "I GET TO RIDE IT NEXT!" He yelled as Sakura made another lap. She looked over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out.

"NO WAY! SASUKE DOES! WOOHOO!"

"WHAT?! He didn't do squat except piss and moan about having to help you with another project!" Naruto shouted back indignantly. Sasuke grunted.

"... If she'd told me what it was going to be, I might have helped more..."

"You snooze you lose, bastard! I already called the next time!"

Kakashi stood silently as the argument continued, and Sakura continued to squeal in delight as she drove her latest invention around the field. He then chuckled and shook his head.

"Never a dull moment with you guys, huh?" He asked. Naruto blinked at Kakashi, then grinned broadly.

"Damn right! That's what makes us special!"

"Hn," Sasuke grunted, though his scowl was a bit lessened. Kakashi chuckled again.

- - - - -

_And another example:_

_- - - - -_

Training duels were used for the benefit of all the students to see how their peers fought. Analysis of an opponent's fighting style and tactics were vital for missions when combat was experienced-Hence why Umino Iruka held as many training duels as he could alongside team exercises. Getting the future defenders and breadwinners of Konoha out of the classroom and into actual, practical exercises was definitely preferable to sitting around for long lectures.

It didn't hurt that Naruto actually paid attention when it came to doing things.

Iruka stood at the head of the class in the training field, smiling at his students as he held out a bowl.

"Now, you've all written your names on scraps of paper, so I am going to shuffle through and pick out some sparring pairs. First up is... Inuzuka Kiba, and..." Iruka set aside Kiba's name and pulled out another. He raised an eyebrow at his selection, and looked over at a certain pink-haired girl in the front row.

"Haruno Sakura. Ready to go?"

"Always, Iruka-sensei!" Kiba grinned, Akamaru on his head barking happily. Sakura nodded, looking determined, and the two ninja walked out and faced eachother within the boundaries of a chalk-drawn ring. Kiba smirked as his dog jumped down and stood alongside him, barking in confidence.

"Che... Exactly what is a little girl like you going to do against me?" Kiba said, assuming a fighting stance. Sakura grinned back, a manic glint in her eyes as she pulled her goggles down over them.

"You'll see, Kiba, you'll see," Sakura laughed. Naruto winced, as did Ino.

"She finished a new invention, didn't she?" Ino muttered. Naruto nodded solemnly.

"Yep..."

"Begin!" Iruka cried, and stepped out of the chalk ring. Kiba moved forward fast, Akamaru flanking him and jumping towards Sakura's arm. It was a classic Inuzuka tactic-The dog got in and dealt a quick blow to an opponent while it's human partner followed up. Sakura bit her thumb and pressed it against a seal drawn onto her glove.

"_Kai!"_ She cried, and she was suddenly obscured in a large burst of smoke.

"You can't hide from me!" Kiba shouted, as Akamaru lunged for where he presumed Sakura's arm would be. Kiba dove through the smoke, just as Akamaru yelped loudly.

"ARRROOOOOOWWW!"

"What the-?"

The smoke cleared. Kiba had missed Sakura through the smoke, veering off out of instinct when Akamaru yelped. He saw his beloved dog lying on the ground, twitching and foaming at the mouth. And then his eyes settled on Sakura.

"Sorry, I don't think this arm is very tasty," Sakura stated with a grin, holding up her metal-covered left arm. Kiba realized what had happened-Sakura had released armor from her seal to cover her whole arm, and Akamaru's teeth had met hard metal instead of flesh.

"Oh yeah? It'll take more than armor to stop me!" Kiba shouted, moving forward with canine agility and feinting a punch, slamming a kick into Sakura's thigh. The pink-haired girl grunted loudly in pain as she was slammed into the ground, and Kiba held a kunai to her throat. He smirked.

"Yield..."

Sakura coughed, and slowly raised her metal-covered arm, as though to admit defeat... And lightly brushed her fingers against Kiba's forearm. He shook as his body spasmed, feeling a burning sensation running through his body.

"YAAAUUUGHHH!" Kiba yelled, getting off of Sakura quickly and skidding back, still twitching. "Oh you stupid bitch, what the _hell?!"_

Sakura got back to her feet, catching her breath. She smirked at the furious Kiba, and held up her metal-covered arm again. Kiba immediately noticed something he had missed before-The metal itself was pretty thin. It had only looked bulkier than it was because of the thin rubber arm-glove the metal was anchored to.

"Just a simple application of an electric conversation seal, and some conductive metal," Sakura stated with a smirk. She held up her metal-covered arm triumphantly. "It's what allows me to do-_THIS!"_

Sakura vanished, and Kiba immediately smelled her from behind. He cursed and dodged, Sakura's metal-covered fingers barely missing him.

_Shit! Shunshin no jutsu!_

"_SAKU LIGHTENING PUNCH!"_ Sakura cried out as she punched for Kiba again, the metal arm moving surprisingly quickly. Kiba dodged again, gritting his teeth. He couldn't block her strikes without getting shocked... But, her reliance on that one arm also made her vulnerable.

_Okay, okay... NOW!_ Kiba ducked under one of Sakura's punches, feeling the buzz of electricity from the metal fingers passing over his scalp, and slammed a kick into Sakura's stomach. The pink-haired girl's eyes bugged out, and she fell forward, arms coming around Kiba.

"GYYAAHHHHH!" Kiba shouted as the arm touched him again. He foamed at the mouth and fell back with Sakura, the shock stopping when Sakura passed out, unable to focus any more chakra into the electric conversion seal.

"..." Iruka blinked. He then sighed. "Call the nurse's office... Again."

They always had to do this whenever Sakura brought a new "toy" in for training...

- - - - -

_As to why Sakura is like this, well, a future snippet will probably reveal this. Additional ideas for chakra-based technologies in the Alt-Canon Narutoverse are welcome, as well as attempts to write for it. Just ask me for details and write away!_


	5. Uzumaki Makeover

_Naruto: An Alternative Canon_

_A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Shonen Jump. I am not writing this for profit._

_Author's Note: There will be pairings in the Alt-Naruto verse, but my own preference is to have variety in relationships. No one person is the same, thus no one relationship is the same. So, while I do have preferences for certain 'ships', I'm also a big fan of crack pairings, but only if you can, essentially, "back that shit up". Well and believably written, almost any pairing can make sense and be good. And they don't have to be romantically involved, or if they are, romantically involved forever. But I will admit a weakness to cats and dogs living together, and the resulting mass hysteria. _

_Below is a bit of a stream of consciousness style piece from the perspective of Inuzuka Kiba, on a Post-Sasuke Defects story arc involving a cloned Anko, a secret about Hinata and Orochimaru revealed, and the introduction of Nii Yugito into the Alt-Naruto verse. A follow-up to this piece is in the works if enough people want it, as I continue to try and work out how to turn this into a full-length story. Which does not preclude others from writing their own stories in the Alt-Canon verse. Just drop me a line to ask first._

- - - - -

Inuzuka Kiba had never known loneliness growing up. Not really. It's impossible to do so when you had as many brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, and cousins as he did. Not all were human, of course, but all were part of the clan, the family. All were Inuzuka.

Everyone knew about smells, about feelings, about sights and sounds through Inuzuka ears. Everyone knew loss, him especially after his dad died on a mission. Everyone knew attraction, love, and lust, from the wild, fuck until you can't move kind of love to the gentle, laying down next to someone and being content forever love. Everyone knew hate-The Kyuubi readily came to mind, the kind of oppressive fear and terror and helplessness that gave rise to feral rage.

Kiba had had lots of advice over the years-Some he minded, some he disregarded, but all he listened to. And even as a ninja he found his mind coming back to it, over and over again. Especially now, actually.

Being trapped in an underground Oto base, out of chakra, with the container of the Nibii right next to you, clinging onto your good arm in fear and exhaustion as a dozen monstrosities pound on barely blocked doors either made you panic or made you think about shit. Like how you got here, and what advice you mgiht have picked up might apply here.

It was supposed to be a routine mission, even with Naruto fucking Uzumaki along. That's what it was supposed to be. Go on patrol on the border, scout out some Kumo positions, nothing big. Routine, with a capital "R."

But Fucking Uzumaki's (He had labeled Uzumaki that from the day they met, and it had stuck) infamous luck had stuck again. C-Rank turned A-Rank. Chasing a bunch of Kumo ninja who had Hinata. Just the thought of what those fuckers would do to her set his blood on fire in rage, made his fangs lengthen and claws grow.

They'd struck them all down save two. This time they worked together on the Chase, this time they were a Pack. That's what went wrong when the Uchiha bailed (though in all honesty, Kiba thought good riddance to him. Bastard never smelled like he was home, and he thought he never would), they just fought one on one.

The last Kumo nin, some slim, blonde chick who smelled like "cat" had gone demon on them after tossing Hinata off to the other Kumo nin, green fire forming around her in the form of a cat.

Fucking Uzumaki told them to run. He gave off that goddamned mix of Alpha and Bigger Predator than You, so Fuck Off, It's Evil Killing Time. His eyes glowed red.

Sometimes in a Pack, you did have to fight alone. It was sometimes necessary for survival, for honor. And Kiba wasn't about to get between two Demon containers.

Hey, he wasn't stupid. Fucking Uzumaki smelling like a fox his whole life? That red chakra at the Chuunin Exams? Kyuubi no Kitsune was inside of him, and it wanted to tear the Nibii a new one.

So Kiba did as any dog did to the Alpha-He deferred, and with Shino and Akamaru managed to catch up to Hinata... Only for her to be snatched away by Anko, but… Not-Anko. No way he could forget a babe like that, by sight _or_ smell. This one smelled off. Like snake-Anko always smelled like snake-But even more so. _Too _snake. No resentment to her scent.

The fact she kicked their asses and Hinata had to beg her to not kill them pretty much sealed the deal.

So Fucking Uzumaki, the real Anko, and Cat Girl caught up, Cat Girl finding out she was duped into kidnapping Hinata by Orochimaru. She had that usual Uzumaki Makeover-Beaten into the ground, eyes focused on something else as she tried to come terms with something new, something unexpected and profound. Being tricked by a snake pedophile and beaten into the dirt by Fucking Uzumaki, she was probably trying to figure out just where she began to fail at life.

He had no sympathy for her. Shino and Akamaru didn't either. Fucking Uzumaki was guarded about her at least. Good to know he had his priorities straight, as they followed Not Anko and Hinata's trail. A Pack and a Cat.

He didn't like her. He didn't like being paired with her when they reached Snake Bastard's lair, split up in the tunnels. He still didn't like her when they fell into a pit of monsters, attacking them with deformed, deadly limbs and eyes that were just human enough to tell you what they used to be: People.

God he hated snakes.

So now they were shoved into a small room, the door blocked off as best they could manage, sitting with backs against the wall, bloody, bleeding, low on power. Akamaru sat in his lap, unconscious. His clothes weren't in good shape after he used the Beast Man form, and Yugito's outfit wasn't much better, pale, smooth skin showing through as it healed.

So she was a cat? Didn't mean he couldn't look.

She was scared. Scared out of her mind. She couldn't call on her demon, she was too weak. She had been blasting through the ranks of the monsters with ninjutsu, clearing the way while he picked off the stragglers, but there were so. Fucking. Many.

So many lives twisted and ruined by one snake...

"I've never had a friend before... Never..." She mumbled. Kiba didn't look at her, scent and sound telling him all he needed to know. She was scared. The Cat couldn't give her any more help. Truth be told, he was scared to. Who wouldn't? Only idiots weren't scared.

Kiba was scared for Akamaru, scared for Hinata, scared for Shino, scared a bit for Anko, hell, scared a little even for Fucking Uzumaki. And if she was breaking down, well… He could understand that. One day you feel like you can wipe the floor with anyone, and the next day some blonde dumbass with whiskers who you're looking to beat down for being friendly with your surrogate little sister far longer than you have kicks your ass. Sure, he did it in a way Kiba had to admire, without any sheer dumb luck bailing him out, but it did piss him off.

That tiny bead of respect that emerged inside of him for that smartassed bastard pissed him off more.

"I've only killed... Never rescued," she continued. Kiba grimaced at her dead tone, even more than the monsters making the door shake.

"I've never... Never even been hugged!"

He finally got the strength to look at her, the terrible pounding on the door from the rest of the monsters ignored.

"What?"

"Hugged... I've never... Been hugged." She confessed, looking vulnerable in a way that Uzumaki hadn't induced. Kiba grimaced.

She was a Cat. She was a Demon. She had kidnapped Hinata and arguably, fucking gotten them into this mess in the first place.

She didn't smell right... But Inuzuka didn't always go on smell alone. Didn't always go on sight, either.

His mother told him that Pack didn't have to mean Inuzuka. They were Inuzuka, after all-Loyalty came first. Even to Fucking Uzumaki. Even to some scared girl with a demon cat in her gut, who had had her eyes opened.

He sighed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, the doors creaking. She turned and looked at him, slitted eyes clear and wide. He was amazed she hadn't cried yet-In his experience, he cold as ice bitches, when hit hard, would go to pieces.

She still hadn't, even if she was complaining... But then, wouldn't he? No hugs, no friends, no-one to rescue, just kill...

_Pack doesn't have to mean Inuzuka..._

So he gave her a smile. An understanding one, because hell... He did.

"I can do... One better," he stated, and leaned into to kiss her. She was warm, despite the blood she'd lost, and soft, and she gripped his tattered jacket tightly when he pushed his tongue into her mouth.

If he had to die, well... Maybe dying while making out with a hot girl wasn't a bad way to go.

"Mmmm..."

"... Am I interupting something?"

Kiba froze. He pulled away from Yugito, licking his lips unconsciously. He saw Shino Aburame standing in the door, monster corpses laying behind him.

He could tell when Shino was smiling behind his collar. It was the brow that gave him away.

"What took you?" Kiba managed. Yugito blushed furiously out of the corner of his eye, and he could smell something else from her aside from cat, blood, and ozone.

"We need to catch up to the others," Shino said. Kiba nodded, slowly, gingerly getting up, Akamaru safely in his arms. Yugito helped him up, arm wrapped around his waist. They made their way slowly to the doors, Shino still smiling behind his collar. Bastard.

- - - - - -

_To be continued… Hopefully._


	6. A Love Hotel

_Naruto: An Alternative Canon_

_A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer:__ Naruto is the property of Shonen Jump. I am not writing this for profit._

_Author's Note: One of the biggest changes that would be in the Alt-Canon universe would be Haku. One, Haku doesn't die. And two, Haku is a girl. Damn straight. She has a bloodline limit that could easily keep up with the Sharingan, she's powerful, and she can fight without being a healer. In other words, as a girl Haku wouldn't be like almost every other female portrayal in Naruto. Clearly it speaks to Kishimoto, and his issues with women and feminine boys... Upon which I will not delve into. Anyway, this is a possible scene of a Post-Wave Country mission. _

- - - - - - -

"One couple, please," Haku asked the clerk at the front desk. Said man looked the slim Haku in a flattering blue dress, long black hair done up in an elegant bun, and glanced over at the somewhat uncomfortable looking Naruto. He smiled and winked.

"Of course... 1200 ryo for two hours. Enjoy," he said, passing Haku the key.

"Thanks, we will," Haku purred, pulling Naruto closer to her, their hips bumping against eachother. Naruto managed to restrain a gulp, and allowed himself to be led down the hallway. A few moments later, Sakura walked in, goggles down as she scanned for chakra signatures. Sasuke followed her, looking more stoic than usual.

"Yep, she's taking him to... That room," Sakura murmured. She pulled her goggles up and smiled at the clerk. "Hi! One room, 12G please."

"Oh?" The clerk asked with a smile. "Are you with the first two?"

"Well ye-" Sakura began, before Sasuke moved forward and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Not 'with', exactly. We are friends, vacationing together," Sasuke quickly stated. The clerk smiled good-naturedly.

"1200 ryo."

Sasuke quickly handed the clerk the needed money and took the key, leading the confused-looking Sakura down the hallway.

"Sasuke...?" She asked. "Just what kind of hotel is this...?"

Sasuke made a small choking sound as they reached their room. Sakura glared.

"Just... Keep an eye on them," Sasuke said quietly. Sakura shrugged and tugged down her goggles, switching them to chakra scan mode as she entered the room behind Sasuke. Sasuke was very happy that the scan mode didn't allow Sakura to read signs, or see that the ceiling above them was mirrored.

- - - - - - - -

"So, let me get this straight," Naruto began, sitting with Haku on a nice, large bed with silken red sheets. "You've been tracking this band of missing ninja for two weeks... Why?"

Haku smiled cutely at him, and Naruto restrained a blush.

"Well... Since we were given jobs with the Hi no Kuni Intelligence Service, Zabuza and I have been doing a lot of work. My current assignment has been to investigate sightings of a significant number of Konoha missing nin around Otogakure."

"Otogakure? That new ninja village Konoha helped set up with Ta no Kuni a few years back?" Naruto asked, frowning in thought. Haku nodded.

"Yes. As you know, missing ninja from other nations can seek asylum in allied nations, but missing ninja from Konoha are, understandably, exempt from this rule."

"So, these ninja after us and Sachiko are all missing Konoha ninja?" Naruto asked. He frowned. "Given Sachiko's position, it can't be a coincidence."

"Those were my thoughts as well," Haku confirmed, scooting a bit closer to Naruto. "My best guess is that one of her political rivals is seeking to do away with her."

"Yeah, but why like this?" Naruto wondered aloud. "I mean, if she's killed then she's a martyr to her party's cause, right?"

"True, though in the long run, without her leadership the Onamuji's party's chances of retaining power are hurt," Haku replied. She scooted just a tad closer, her hip touching his. Naruto blinked and blushed at that.

"So, though it appears she is the target, the methods employed are heavy handed and obvious," Haku continued. "They did derail a train..."

"Which could look like an accident," Naruto mused, "but this close to the elections..." He sighed and shook his head. "We're missing something..."

"Yes, we are," Haku spoke. She leaned her head onto his shoulder, and he looked at her. She smiled demurely.

"Have I mentioned how happy I am to see you, Naruto?" She murmured. Naruto smiled back nervously, feeling himself begin to sweat a bit.

"Uh, well, once or twice... Though, you know... Last time we met, I did kind of... Cut your back," he said. Haku hummed and nuzzled his shoulder.

"I remember more occurring afterwards... You saving Zabuza, you arguing on our behalf to the HKR troops that arrived... You've made it possible for Zabuza and I to stay together and work for a noble cause." She smiled.

"You've left quite the impression on me _and_ Zabuza..." She leaned her face close to his, blushing herself. Naruto's eyes widened, but his hormones overrode his instinct to bolt.

"And I never got to thank you... Properly," she purred, just before she kissed him.

"Mmmph?!" Naruto exclaimed, even as he wrapped his arms around her. Haku deepened the kiss with an appreciative moan, and shoved him down to the bed. Naruto looked up in awe and excitement as the sexy kunoichi undid her hair bun, shaking her hair out, and giving him a smile that made his pants feel three sizes too small.

"So, shall we?" She asked, rubbing herself against him. Naruto groaned and grinned up at her.

"Just so you know... First time."

"Mine too," the kunoichi spoke, before pouncing.

- - - - - - -

Sakura sat perfectly still, face so red it was beginning to match her top, as the bed she and Sasuke were sitting on shook, once again rocking in time to the shaking wall behind them. Sasuke sat next to her, keeping a very definite space between them as he sat serenely, his face it's usual pallor. He appeared to be meditating, his eyes closed.

"OH! OH GOD, YES NARUTO! YES YES YESSSS!" Haku screamed through the wall, muffled enough for it not to be deafening. All the same it made Sakura blush harder, and she began doing calculations on how much blood was in her cheeks, and... Other places.

"Uh... H-How long has it been?" She timidly asked Sasuke. The Uchiha opened his eyes.

"Two hours, forty seven minutes," he reported. Sakura nodded.

"Oh..."

At first, she'd been pissed off that Naruto had snuck off to a _love hotel_ with _Haku_ of all people. She still bore a bit of a grudge for how Haku had not only kicked the crap out of Sasuke and Naruto, but also how she'd frozen about half her weapons and shattered them with only a snap of her fingers. Sure, they'd eventually won, and she'd contributed to the victory, but she hated seeing her inventions destroyed.

"AUUNNGHHH! AUUUUNNNGHHH! H-HARDERRRR! HARDEEEEEYYYAAAAGGHHHH!" Haku shrieked. Sasuke hummed.

"Tenth orgasm tonight... Naruto's on a roll," he observed in his usual deadpan tone. Sakura scowled.

"How can you be so collected when they're-they're-!"

"Having sex?" Sasuke asked flatly. He shrugged. "We've all been through a lot, Haku feels she owes Naruto her life, and Naruto is a guy. It's a pretty simple equation, Sakura."

Sakura fumed, before forming a handseal. "_Kai!_"

A genjutsu dropped, revealing a bright red Sasuke with his hand down his pants. Sakura grinned in triumph.

"HA! I got you! You're just as affected as-UWAH?!"

Sasuke pinned her to the bed, and smirked down at her. Her heart began to pound as her not-so-secret crush pressed his body against hers.

"Yes. I am," he stated flatly. He quirked an eyebrow. "Care to let me show you how much?"

Sakura opened her mouth to protest, before he shut it with a deep kiss. Granted, a sloppy kiss but Sakura really had no previous experiences to compare it to and ohhh... Her brain felt fuzzy... What was she thinking about before?

"Ahh," she gasped as he pulled away. "Haa... S-Sasuke... We're on a mission..."

"Yes," Sasuke confirmed, "and we're in a love hotel. And Kakashi-sensei is looking after Sachiko. And you have been a lot more spastic than normal."

Sakura flushed angrily and snarled. "I am not spastic! I am just stressed at being cut off from reinforcements, in the middle of nowhere, Hi no Kuni, with a team of sex obsessed freaks and-MMPH?!"

Sasuke smirked as he pulled away from another kiss. Maybe he should have begun kissing her earlier. "You also talk too much. Seriously, why can't you ever shut up?"

"Y-You bastard!" Sakura snarled, grabbing his high collar and yanking him in for another kiss. They parted again, panting for breath. Sasuke licked his lips.

"You're also _hot_ when you're angry-"

"Take your own advice, bastard, and shut the hell up!"

- - - - - - - -

"Ah, youth," Kakashi observed, sitting in the window of the hotel room Team 7 had staked out. His Sharingan eye was open and locked on the windows of an even-less savory hotel across the street. He giggled.

"Doing a bit of late night peeping, are we?" He glanced back at an amused-looking Sachiko Haruno. He smiled with his normal eye.

"No, merely keeping an eye on my charges..."

"They grow up so fast," Sachiko sighed. "So... Foursome?"

Kakashi sighed. "And people say I'm perverted. No, just couples."

"What you call perverted, I call knowing what I like," Sachiko chuckled. "You will relate the details to Master Jiraiya, correct?"

Kakashi grinned under his mask. Yes, this was just one of many reasons he was glad he had taken this team.

"But of course... Though I'm sure some... Scenes between the dashing jounin sensei and the sultry representative he guards would not go amiss."

Sachiko leaned close to him, nose nearly touching his as though she were about to kiss him... Before her lips moved up and across to his cheek. She pecked him affectionately, and pulled back with a smile.

"Goodnight, Kakashi," she spoke kindly, before turning to head to her bed. Kakashi shrugged philosophically, before returning his vigil to the hotel.

_Can't win 'em all..._

- - - - - - -

_No, these would not be the final pairings for the story. These are just horny teenagers in a life or death situations, who have been taught that sex is an effective weapon, tool, and stress reliever. So expect there to be many pairings, though serious romance may occur as time goes on._


	7. Tabula Rasa

_Naruto: An Alternative Canon_

_A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Shonen Jump. I am not writing this for profit._

_Author's Note: Owing to the more tech-oriented nature of the Alt-Canon verse, a few stories lifted from classic science fiction would work quite well. Among them, the concept of the amnesia disease, most recently featured in "Tabula Rasa", a _Stargate: Atlantis_ episode. This Alt-Canon Naruto take on the story begins in a very similar way, with a character waking up in the middle of a village gone mad, while outside, Naruto, the only person immune to the disease, tries to find a potential cure while the Fire Republic Army has Konoha surrounded…_

_- - - - - - - - - -_

She woke up, dizzy, confused...

She looked around. She was tied to some kind of desk, in a room. Books and scrolls lined the shelves and in front of her was a camera and television.

She blinked, and tugged at the rope holding her. A wave of panic rose up inside of her, and the woman began crying out.

"HELP! IS ANYONE THERE? HELP! HELP!"

There was no answer. Frantically she looked out the window, only seeing broad, swaying trees and an empty city block. No one was around.

_No one..._

She turned back to the desk, eyes spotting a small note on the TV. She picked it up with her free hand.

"Turn... it on," she muttered. With a mental shrug, she did. The screen flickered to life, and the woman was surprised to see the face of another woman with short black hair, dark brown eyes, fair skin and a nervous look in her eyes. She adjusted the collar of her dark kimono, and the woman felt her free hand instinctively reaching up to adjust her own.

_"All right, I know that right now you're probably scared and confused, and I don't blame you. But this is vitally important. You will find a picture and a note on the desk in front of you. Pick it up, and turn it over._"

The woman did so, and she frowned at the picture of a blonde, tanned boy with whiskers, grinning at the camera.

_"This,_" the woman on the video said, pointing the camera at the same picture she was holding right now, _"is Naruto. You need to find him. On the note are instructions for what to do when you find him. Now you NEED TO FIND HIM. Hundreds of people's lives depend on you finding him. No matter what it takes you need to find him or hundreds of people will DIE, understand? Good. Now get going."_ The woman paused and strained herself, thinking hard.

_"And just so you know... Your name is Shizune. It's less important than finding Naruto but... But it'll give me some comfort. Now get going, you have a kunai in your side pocket."_

The video ended, and Shizune reached to her pocket. She found the kunai and cut the rope, standing up out of her chair and gathering the note and the picture to her bosom. She turned to head out the door, only to freeze and step backwards. She stared into her reflection in the door.

"It'll give me some comfort..." Shizune repeated, staring into the face of the woman on the tape.

- - - - - -

Naruto grimaced as he peered through the branches. The Fire Country Army patrol was still there. Tsunade had told him to avoid them where possible-The image of him escaping might lead them to conclude that more ninja were leaving the village, and that would lead to _very bad things_, in his baa-chan's own words.

"Um..."

He turned to look over his shoulder at Ino. He still couldn't get over how timid she was after... The whatever-it-was began to really affect her.

"Naruto," he quietly reminded her. Ino nodded, clasping her hands together tightly.

"Okay, Naruto... What are we doing here again?" She asked. Naruto managed to restrain a sigh.

"Well, we're trying to get past the Fire Country Army, because apparently there's a rare plant that can cure this memory... Virus thing. I'm here because it's not effecting me, you're here because you can identify the plant, and we're supposed to get it and bring it back to Konoha so Baa-chan can create a cure."

Ino blinked, and nodded slowly. "O-Okay..."

Naruto grimaced and looked back at the patrol. They were starting away, but he was going to have to move fast... And he needed a decent alibi if he was caught.

"Okay, Ino? Do you remember how to henge?" Naruto asked. Ino nodded slowly.

"I-I think so..."

"Okay, just... Henge yourself into an outfit, the kind you might wear when you're out hiking or something," Naruto told her, as he proceeded to do the same. Ino nodded and did so.

"Anything else?" She asked. Naruto sighed, and shrugged. He took her arm.

"Just remember how much you love me?" He suggested, to which Ino blushed furiously.

- - - - - - - -

Shizune had written her name on her arm using a... She struggled to remember the word.

"Pen," she nodded to herself, walking out of the... Hokage Tower, it said on the entrance. She frowned, struggling to recall something... Anything.

_Hokage? Why does that...? Feel important?_

She shook her head. It didn't matter right now. What did matter was that she needed to find Naruto. She looked at the picture again, trying to memorize the features of the boy. She knew it was highly unlikely she could recall them for long, but it was better than nothing, she supposed.

She examined the note. Much of it described directions to get to someplace called a "hospital". It also warned her that a few S-Class missing nin had been sighted near the village just before she lost her memories. She gulped. She didn't know what S-class ninja meant but she was sure they didn't bode well.

"Okay... Hospital," she nodded to herself. She searched for a street sign, feeling nervous about how deserted everything was. In her haste, she didn't see the large hole in the Tower above her, nor the debris littering the street as though from a furious battle.

- - - - - - -

"Stay where you are!"

The girl turned around, raising her hands in the air. She gulped at the sight of the two masked men, raising strange devices on their arms at her.

"H-Hello? Can you tell me... Can you tell me where I am? What this place is?" She asked desperately. The nearest masked man shook his head.

"Just come with us. We won't hurt you," he said. Sakura backed away, finding herself quickly analyzing the situation.

She didn't know what these men could do, but the devices they held seemed... Strangely familiar. Still, she didn't know who they were. She didn't know who _she_ was.

"Why should I trust you?" She asked flatly. The nearest masked man cocked his device and fired a glowing needle out of it, which she barely dodged. The weapon grazed her arm, sending tingle up and down her nervous system.

"A-AHH! Wait! Please! Don't-!" She shouted, but the masked man just fired another shot. Before it could reach her, a figure in a dark cloak just appeared in front of her, deflecting the shot.

"Stop where you are or we'll-AUGH!" The masked man was punched by the man in the cloak. The girl's eyes widened as he just vanished and reappeared in front of the other man, punching him before he could fire his weapon. He turned around, looking at the girl curiously.

"Uh..." Sakura fidgeted and blushed under the scrutiny. The cloaked man had black hair, bangs hanging in his face with the rest in a ponytail behind him. His dark eyes had odd lines under them, making him appear older than he looked.

Though, if the girl was honest with herself, she didn't have any way of knowing just how old he might be.

"Thank you," she said earnestly. The man nodded and walked up to her.

"We can't stay here. C'mon," he said, gently wrapping an arm around her waist and taking off at high speed. The girl squeaked, trying to catch everything as it blurred...

And suddenly they were somewhere else altogether, hidden in trees. She sighed in relief and smiled up at the cloaked man.

"Thank you again," she said. The man shrugged.

"Do... Do you know what's going on?" She asked. The cloaked man sighed and shook his head.

"No... I've been seeing those soldiers shooting people and taking them away somewhere ever since I woke up. I'm guessing you don't know much more than I do?"

"No," the girl said, staring curiously at the headband the man wore. She reached up and felt that she was wearing a similar one, though the metal plate he wore had a scar cut deeply into the metal. The man saw this and shrugged.

"Wherever we are... We're wearing the same symbol. That must mean we're on the same side, correct?"

The girl nodded, smiling happily. The soldiers all wore masks but didn't have the same odd symbol that they had!

"Maybe this is our village, and we're under attack by the masked men?" Sakura suggested. The man nodded, scanning their surroundings.

"Yes... Neither of us is dressed for combat," he noted. Sakura nodded again.

"We need to find more people with symbols like ours, maybe organize some kind of counter attack..."

"Counter attack?" The man asked. Sakura nodded.

"I'm thinking that they did something to our memories, something to let us be conquered more easily. It makes sense. Without our memories we don't know how to fight back against them."

"They might be suffering from the same problem," the cloaked man suggested. "They would need people of similar abilities to mine to attack this village. Since they haven't been using those abilities, it's possible they were caught in the... Whatever happened."

"Of course," Sakura said. She looked at him closely.

"How did you remember you could go that fast?"

The cloaked man shrugged. "I don't know... I just... Could."

"In any event, this gives us the advantage," she said. "So c'mon! Let's see who else we can find!"

- - - - - - - - -

The laboratory seemed almost familiar to Sakura. She frowned as she walked in between the tables, various pieces of machinery strewn about on several tables. The Cloaked Man followed, looking around in interest.

"This seems... Familiar," Sakura said quietly. Her eyes landed on a familiar gauntlet device, and picked it up.

"The same thing the soldiers were using," Sakura said. The Cloaked Man frowned behind his collar.

"..."

Sakura's eyes caught a paper filled with blueprints for the very weapon she was holding. She read the name on it.

"Stinger... A non-lethal weapon designed, created and built by Haruno Sakura."

"So this was made here," the Cloaked Man mused. Sakura nodded, turning the device over in her hands. It felt strange, it was almost as though the weapon was trying to tell her something.

"It looks like... It uses a Raiton conversion seal to charge senbon designed to retain the charge in flight, delivering it to an enemy. There's a limiter on the seal to prevent the charge from becoming lethal..."

"Ingenious... I think." The Cloaked Man shrugged at Sakura's curious look. She shrugged with a small smile.

"Guess we wouldn't know... Still, this is good. It means they're not killing anyone."

"Not unless they fire too many senbon into a single person," the Cloaked Man countered. Sakura shrugged.

"Maybe this Sakura Haruno didn't think about that..." She mumbled. She pulled the gauntlet on and grabbed two extra cylinders of senbon for reloads. She slammed them into her belt.

"You seem familiar with this weapon," the Cloaked Man said. Sakura shrugged.

"It seems common enough," she said. She looked around the lab. "See if you can find anything else of use..."

The Cloaked Man proceeded through, keen eyes searching methodically. Sakura in turn gathered up some strange, rocket-shaped kunai that accompanying blueprints described as "Saku-Bombs"-Highly accurate thrown explosive kunai. Unlike regular explosive notes the yield could be adjusted and their blast focus could be altered.

"Still, naming them after herself... Kind of egotistical," Sakura snorted, clipping them to her belt and slamming more into her pouches.

"Over here," the Cloaked Man said. Sakura turned and caught a pair of glasses. The Cloaked Man was already wearing a pair.

"They let you see behind yourself and infrared-signatures. She may be egotistical, but this Sakura Haruno is a genius," the Cloaked Man said. Sakura grinned and pulled them on, feeling inordinately pleased with herself. She didn't know why, but decided to work it out later.

"All right, anything else...?"

"One thing," the Cloaked Man said. He pointed to an odd, person-shaped frame composed of plastic, metal and covered in seals. Sakura frowned and walked over to it, examining the device.

"Haruno Strength and speed-enhancing Exoskeleton Mark III," she read aloud. The Cloaked Man shrugged.

"Too small for me..."

"Then I guess it's mine," Sakura decided, stepping into the device, strapping herself in with belts and velcro. It linked with her chakra, and as she moved the attachments around she couldn't help her grin.

"I feel like I could take on an army!" Sakura said brightly. The Cloaked Man smirked.

"So fortunate we have one right here..."

- - - - - - - - -

"So, you and your wife have been married how long?" The inn owner asked. Naruto gave him a charming smile as he led the veiled Ino to the inn room.

"Only recently. Still on our honeymoon, and all that," he said with a wink. The inn owner chuckled.

"Well then, enjoy yourselves," he said with a leer. Naruto restrained himself from beating the hell out of the pervert, and instead focused on getting In out of sight and out of contact with others. The mask she wore underneath her veil would keep her from spreading the infection, but he didn't want to take any chances.

Once they were inside their room, and Naruto had closed the door behind them, Ino turned to him, expression unreadable thanks to the veil.

"So... I am your wife?" She asked quietly. Naruto groaned, and slammed a palm to his forehead.

"No Ino-chan, you're my friend. We're on a mission to get some plants to cure our village, Konoha, from a memory... Disease thing."

"I don't remember Konoha..." She mused quietly. Naruto frowned, and, due to a lack of any other ideas, reached out and hugged her.

"It's okay, Ino. You've got your notes and you've told me what to look for... We'll get through this, okay?"

"Okay," Ino said quietly. "Can... Can we go to bed?"

"... Um..." Naruto blinked. Sexual innuendos with Ino was par for course when she had her memories, but in this case he felt it was unintentional. "Sure...?"

"Can... Can you stay with me? I mean... If I wake up alone," she trailed off. Naruto nodded and smiled at her, tightening his hug.

"It's no problem Ino, no problem at all."

About an hour later, Naruto groaned happily. Sure, he didn't like to be considered a pervert, but dreams where a hot girl was happily giving him head were not to be cursed.

Strange, it almost felt real... So sticky and wet and...

_Wait a minute..._

He opened his eyes and tossed the covers back. His eyes widened at the sight of a _very_ naked Ino finishing her cleanup with her tongue. She smiled up at him.

"Hello husband," she purred, crawling over him and giving him a deep, passionate kiss. "Since we are still on our honeymoon and all, shouldn't we be having some... Fun?"

"Oh... Uh... Um... Ino... We're, uh... That isssss! Ohhh shit!"

_I really hope she doesn't remember any of this,_ he thought, as he gave into his hormones.

The next morning Ino was exhausted, sore but couldn't stop smiling. She hadn't the slightest idea why, and when she asked Naruto he just began coughing very, very loudly.

- - - - - - - -

_And now, a few omakes written by others on TFF._

_By Cypher3au_

_Personally, I'd like to see some people freaking out over their bloodlines or natural abilities, or abusing them in ways they'd never think of doing when in their right mind._

Like Hinata and Hanabi sitting up on a rooftop, perving on cute guys with their freaky x-ray vision, or Shino running down the street, screaming like an idiot about their being bugs in his brain. Maybe the bugs in Shino's Dad have him convinced that he's just their minion, and they keep goading him into breaking into vending machines for the sugar-loaded softdrinks and snacks...

*BBBBZZBBZZBZBZZZBBZZZZ!*

"I live to obey, Masters!"

Maybe Tsume alternates between freaking out over the talking dog and drinking herself into a stupor, and partying over the talking dog that's gonna make her freaking rich once she hits the show circuit. And Kakashi and that eye...

"Okay uh..." He checks his nametag. "Bakashi, don't panic. Yes, your eye has gone all...weird...but I'm sure there's a cream or something that'll fix it right up."

- - - - - - - -

_By drakensis_

"So... anyone else get any notes to tell them who they are and what they should be doing?" asked the man whose note had declared him to be the Godaime Hokage.

There were a number of hands in the air.

"I think whoever wrote these was lying!"

Ichiraku frowned. "Why do you say that... whoever you are?"

The one-armed man he had addressed held up a plunger. "As a plumber I would be required to use this while flushing the toilet with my other hand. Besides, Danzo is a dorky name. No one would really be called that."

"Try using your teeth to hold it," Ichiraku advised, remembering that he'd seen Danzo's face on a list of 'know troublemakers' that had been left conveniently on his desk. Along with his wife's photo.

If someone was lying about him being married to someone _that_ stacked then _vive la deception_!

- - - - - - - -


	8. Hidden Wars Timeline

-Hidden (Shinobi) Wars in general: reasons, consequences and what might have been:

1: While not all historians agree on the naming, the general consensus is that each of the three major conflicts in the last century were the first wars where modern ninja played significant roles. Ergo, they were named the Shinobi Wars. "Hidden Wars" is also a popular term for the conflicts due to the ninja involvement and the covert actions behind the large scale battles.

The First Ninja War (60 years Pre-Kyuubi) was the result of the current Daimyo of Wind Country being possessed by the demon later known as Shukaku, who led Wind on a campaign of conquest. Earth country's fragile confederation of states was broken by the onslaught, but an alliance between the Fire Republic, the Kingdom of Snow and the Water Confederacy was able to use Fire Country's superior industrial and naval might to hold back Wind's assault. Combined with the rebellion of the Sand Village against the oppression of the Daimyo, and the strength of Leaf and Mist Village, the demon-container was defeated. Wind Country's subsequent government, the Wind Kingdom, became closely allied with Fire, the new superpower, while the economic strain of the war made Water Confederacy weak and its ninja village strong. Earth Country was sent into a series of civil wars (again), which led it to ultimately ally itself with the Lightning Union, which had watched the war. After, they began their own preparations.

This was also the first war where Leaf and Fire fought together against a single foe since the village's founding, and catapulted the First and Second Hokage into legendary status around the continent. It also resulted in the Kingdom of Snow's decline as a military power, instead converting their economy into a consumer-based one to provide goods bought up by the growing middle class in Fire and Wind as the latter's economy recovered.

2: The Second Ninja War (32 years Pre-Kyuubi) was the result of the Earth/Lightning Alliance making a bid to become the new superpower of the continent against the Fire Republic. To do this, they provided massive support to Rain Country, the current leadership being deposed in a coup supported by the current Rain Village leader, Hanzo. Rain Country would annex nearby nations and draw the Fire Republic into battle, which was currently led by the Nanashi Party. The Nanashi party was anti-war and anti-military, and Earth and Lightning felt that by forcing the Republic into a prolonged conflict in Rain would weaken them enough for an eventual full scale war to grant them victory.

Rain Country launched invasions of River, Bird, Rice and Wave countries. The Fire/Wind Alliance went to war to liberate these nations, the conflict becoming an all-out continent war with the advent of the airship and the direct entrance of Earth and Lightning into the conflict when the majority of the Republic's forces were deployed. Water Country tried to support Fire and Wind, but a disastrous loss at the Battle of Jasmine Bay in Wave Country to the Lightning Fleet resulted in the Water Daimyo becoming weak enough for the Seven Swordsmen of the Mists to attempt a coup. Water Country was, subsequently, out of the war. Wind Country bore significant losses in the conflict, and the Northern Republic Navy was initially crippled by a joint Lightning/Earth fleet assault on their primary naval base.

Despite all this, the tide was turned with two key actions: The defeat of the Rain armies by the Sannin of Leaf, and the destruction of the Earth/Lightning Fleet at the Battle of Fang Island by the Fire Republic Navy. The war stretched on for another two years and saw Fire Country's Army breaching Lightning Country's borders for the first time and the Fire Navy and Air forces gaining control of the seas and air. After the Battle of Kyon-Ko, where the majority of the Earth army was destroyed and the Lightning army halved, the Alliance quickly came to the negotiation table. The Earth and Water Confederacies both fell into civil war again, this time coming out with their ninja villages being the main powers in their governments. Lightning Country was humiliated, and focused more on information gathering and diplomatic warfare rather than overt military buildup. And Fire Country obtained a virtual monopoly over the skies and seas with their airships and Navy.

Of course, if it were not for the Sannin, the war may have turned out quite differently. Their daring actions at the beginning of the conflict kept the Fire Republic from becoming embroiled in a single war to wear them down which would have allowed Earth and Lightning to swoop in. It also led to the Nanashi Party losing significant face in the eyes of the public, given that they allowed this buildup to occur.

One final note was that is was the first conflict with airships in a military role, and the last recorded battle between a Cult of Jashin Warrior and two Yamanaka Witches who had accompanied the Sannin Armies.

3: The Third Ninja War (5 years Pre-Kyuubi) was sparked with the rebellion of Grass Country against Earth, declaring it's independence from Earth's corrupt, unstable government and forming a republic. Lightning support its longtime ally Earth as it tried to crush the rebellion, more out of obligation than anything else and perhaps a chance to get its hands on some of Leaf Village's bloodlines. It had the least conventional military involvement of all the Hidden Wars, though Republic airships did offer humanitarian aid and occasional fire support. The primary reason was due to the testing of a new doctrine, coined the SEED Doctrine. The premise was to let Leaf Village establish ninja villages in friendly nations and the Republic to provide support to said villages in order to allow them to defend themselves, rather than forcing the Army itself to intervene.

The strategy worked well. Grass Country became free and prosperous, and one of Leaf Village's rising stars, Namikaze Minato, became feared in Earth and Lightning Countries as the Yellow Flash-A warrior without peer.

Some historians have argued that this war was not large enough to constitute a true Hidden War, comparing it to a smaller conflict known as the Bird Country War that Fire intervened in three years prior. However, given the significance of the Yellow Flash's contributions, it was decided that this conflict would be considered a true Hidden War.

It also marked the first official appearance of Akatsuki, and the last conflict the ANBU organization ROOT was officially part of before being disbanded by the Third Hokage.


End file.
